Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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