Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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