It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
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In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
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I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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