well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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