I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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