totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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