Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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