i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
These tits shall not be calmed
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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