i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize