he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
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we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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