How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
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And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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