He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
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You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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