My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm always down for nudity.
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