Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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