Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
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they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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