If that was your dad, he is hot
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
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Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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