I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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