My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize