I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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