Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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