just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize