Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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