If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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