I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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