There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
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Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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