I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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