dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize