We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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