There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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