Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
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I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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