their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
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just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
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I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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