I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize