do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize