Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
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I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Randomize