So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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