Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
home. puking in laundry basket.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
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He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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