I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize