the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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