I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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