hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize