I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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