Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize