He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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