Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize