The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we're making bets on your personal life
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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