Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize