note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Please don't give away my fajitas
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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