I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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