if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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