The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
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The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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